Wednesday, February 25, 2009

When good songs happen to VILE CUNTS

Every so often, there comes a track that you can't help loving despite the fact you hate the artist. And at the moment, there are a few of them around. The situation hasn't been helped by the fabulous Clubland TV putting several of them on high rotation or my watching the usually crap Channel U...

Taio Cruz is "famous" for a song about his bukkake sessions with VILE talentless trollop Luciana but put him with Channel U favourite Tinchy Stryder and you have a fabulous little ditty that showcases everything that is right about current musical trends. I love the whole "Star In The Hood" advertising thing as well - even though Busta did it first with "The Big Bang"...

Missy Elliot clearly has the Midas touch (except when it comes to her own stuff) - having taken those talentless SLUTS into a must-have. Nicole FLOPzingers vile vocals have been thankfully obliterated by clever use of a vocorder and autotuner, and one of the background bints gets to sing! Though it has to be said that whenthe hottest thing in a video by a girl group that promotes itself as a sexy all-singing, all dancing troupe is Missy then you know its time for them to fuck off back to the gutter where they belong.

Even though this is at least 2 years old, this is just getting played in the UK. Egotistical CUNT Gigi D'Agostino managed to take a classic, make it even more fabulous and give it an amazing video. Also worth checking out is the video for Bla Bla Bla - jsut make sure you have your speakers turned off first.

and another couple of oldies from Rihanna who is rather crap, but has managed to do foure good tracks - Umbrella, We Ride, Don't Stop The Music and Disturbia. Shame about her abysmal live performances and countless reissues and rereleases of the same fucking album... I wonder if plans to reissue GGGB again are what made Chris Brown snap? Enjoy this live performance of DSTM if you can.

and last but not least, no post about VILE talentless CUNTS would be complete without mentioning Hoez Afoul. Biology is their only decent track and one of the last ever decent productions from the increasingly shite and up their own arses Xenomania. Watch for racist Cheryl not even being able to mime properly...

Thursday, February 19, 2009

21cm, otherwise known as 8"

A picture says a thousand words - especially when you don't understand the language. So when I saw the cover of Duo Kie's latest album 21cm on the shelf in El Corte Ingles I had to buy it.

Not only does the cover look like a censored gaydar advert, the title is equally suggestive. Though assuming that the title applies to the band member in question, he must be a grower.

The rather fabulous Yeah! video

A staple of the Spanish Hip-Hop scene since 1999, 21cm is the duo's 4th album.

Turn On: Aryutokintumi?
Turn Off: En El Club Con 50 Centimos
Bap Rating: Mutya's Mammaries
If you like this: check out my earlier posts about Calle 13 and keep reading for some more trashy Spanish Hip-Hop
Visit: the Duo Kie myspace

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Dannii's biggest FLOPS!

Whenever anyone talks of the younger Minogue sister, steering the conversation towards her chart toppers is an impossible task - because she has had none! Infact, as far as the general public is concerned, Dannii is famous for being Kylie's plastic surgery addicted sister, for baring her famous baps for Playboy and for somehow managing to blag her way onto the panel for the X Factor, probably because of her aforementioned jugs. However, anyone who has managed a visit to the Droid Collective will hear a different story - where Dannii is a multiplatinum multi-million selling $ucce$ story, credible vocalist and accomplished live performer; and anyone who says different is an evil jealous hater and most probably her spiteful sister in disguise...

Since there are endless Dannii "hits" compliations currently clogging up bargain bins worldwide, what better way to introduce the younger, bustier Minogue than with some stuff that even fans don't know about! It goes without saying that in the US, Japan and Europe that none of these charted...

#10 He's The Greatest Dancer

(From Club Disco, OZ #37, SP #9)
Despite being Dannii's biggest ever hit in Spain and the single (selected to be the annual BBC Children In Need charity single) being canned in the UK due to her inability to get it recorded on time, Dannii appearing on one of the highest rated Australian TV shows weekly and performing on the other two (as well as on the CIN show), though it did do alright considering she couldn't be arsed showing up for the video shoot...

The Droids Say: Distribution problems! I went to JB Hi-Fi and they told me they weren't getting any until next week and Sanity only had 2 copies but I bought them both as well as the three in HMV Bourke St and five from Chapel St but I left one cos then they wouldn't have counted.

Using sexual metaphor, Dannii expresses her pain in her undies

#9 So Under Pressure
(From The Hits & Beyond, UK #20, OZ #16, IR #31, NZ, #DNC, EU # DNC, IT #DNC)
While it remains only one of two Dannii songs to chart higher in her native Australia than in the UK (the other being her debut Love & Kisses back in 1990), it could only scrape into the UK Top 20 on a technicality, (due to the massive Crazy by Gnarls Barklay which would have been #17 being excluded under the chart rules of the time as it had been deleted two weeks previously) before plummetting faster than DULLTa's knickers at a Sony board meeting. Draping a python round her famous rack in the video and half arsed miming during the various promotional performances only helped cement Dannii's image as a FLOP star who cannot sing and gets her tits out, meaning that the public failed to embrace this stunning ode to sibling suffering.

What The Droids Say: Kylie sabotaged Dannii's career by deliberately getting cancer.

#8 Boogie Woogie
(From The Best Of Eurogroove, JP #DNC)
Made such an impact that noone knows anythign about it and it remains one of Danni's rarest tracks to date. Rumours that it made #1 on the Japanese charts have been revealed to be false by various J-Pop lovers across the internet, and as Eurogroove were Japanese, it wouldn't have charted on the international chart. An unconfirmed chart placing of #55 has been mentioned.

What The Droids Say: Nathen Says it was number one in Japan! Nathen will confurm!

#7 Get Into You
(From Get Into You UK #36, OZ #79, IR #DNC)
One of the most patheticly desperate attempts by La Minogue to give herself some cred and coolness by copying Janet Jackson and En Vogue. The only surprising thing about the lack of success of this aural turd is that it charted at all...

What The Droids Say: Dannii is so ahead of her time.

Dannii Does Dykes!

#6 Everlasting Night
(From some mardi gras compilation, OZ #42)
A one-off single not available anywhere else and the official song of the infamous Mardi Gras - surely a guaranteed Top 10 hit if ever there was one, yet the best it could do was hang around outside the Top 40 for a couple of weeks like a bad smell before vanishing without a trace.

What The Droids say: Homophobes!

#5 Coconut
(From Girl / The Singles, OZ #63)
Releasing a song that is a hidden track on an album noone bought as a single to promote a Greatest Hits compilation that noone bought, and was such a smash in the clubs that it even has its own naughty game based on the lyrics. Yet noone bought it.

What the Droids say: Evil Jealous Hater! Coconut was not a FLOP! I heard it in a club the other night.

#4 Don't Wanna Take This Pain
(From Dannii / Love And Kisses And... UK #40, OZ #98, IR #DNC)
Three (five in the UK) singles in and already barely charting...

What the Droids say: It was the 5th single from a gold album and it was Christmas and sales were bigger then anyway

#3 Show You the Way To Go
(From Get Into You, UK #30, OZ #DNC, IR #DNC)
First single from a new album, charity single, cover of a famous Jackson 5 hit - bound to be Top 10, right?

What The Droids say: Hater! You don't understand the Australian charts! It got to #104 which was higher than Madonna's I Want You* which only got to #140!

Pre-Surgery Dannii = HOT!

#2 Love's On Every Corner
(From Get Into You, UK #44, IR #DNC)
Take one track penned by Cathy Dennis, who was hot property at the time, add some trendy US flavoured melody and backing vocals and an edgy new video complete with street dancing. Fail to chart. Wasn't released in Australia due to the FLOP of SYTWTG and its failure to do anything in the UK.

What the Droids say: It doesn't count, it wasn't meant to be released.

#1 Touch Me Like That
(From Club Disco (Australian Edition), UK #48, OZ #DNC, IR #DNC, EU #DNC, IT #DNC)
10 million people saw Dannii every Saturday night on the X Factor - her profile had never been higher and she was getting a lot of positive press (especially in light of the vicious attacks on her by Sharon and Louise). Though the video did get her a new following with rubber fetishists, who used it as wank fodder.

What the Droids say: Dannii is the Queen Of Clubs! Such a success! The charts are fixed. Downloading is to blame. Everyone downloaded it illegally. It is AATW's fault.

Her bapshake brings all the boys to the RSL!

*IWY wasn't released in Australia... oops

Friday, February 13, 2009

Beyond Fabulous!

Anyone bothering to read this may have noticed my brief guide to Calle 13 last month, where I declared Electro Movimiento to be the highlight of the Puerto Rican duo's latest album Los De Atras Vienen Conmigo - maybe someone at NORTE has been reading as the track has been given a fabulously sexy video!

You can check out this stunning visual orgasm at the Calle 13 Official youtube channel, alongside a making of clip. The opening few seconds alone will have Dannii wetter than that infamous poolside shower!

The Baps give this their seal of approval - now all that is needed is someone to snap this up in the UK.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


While most pop stars are generally nice enough, every so often there comes along one who is under the illusion that they are better than everyone else and that mere morals and laws don't apply to them because they are a "star" (the same thing is true of actors). So here is a brief list of some of the worst, some childishly renamed.

DULLta Good-Rim & Bryan McFatten

This pair of CUNTS deserve each other. She is a back door party hosting marriage wrecking skank ho, a liar, a scarlet woman and an insipid whiny bitch who has achieved popularity through sympathy. Yes she was ill, but she has used it to milk publicity for all three of her solo albums and as an excuse for her homewrecking harlotry. Infact, I can't think of a single thing she has released since her second single that hasn't had some sort of "poor DULLta" sob story to go with it - no wonder she is an international FLOP as noone outside of Australia is stupid enough to fall for that kind of manipulative crap unless its on the X Factor. The SLUT! He is a pie-eating hasbeen a-DULLta-rer who got his ex-wife hooked on cocaine, cheated on her several times (including the night before the wedding), abandoned her and her two children for the a-DULLta-ress SLUT and then ripped poor Kerry's heart out by revealing that he never loved her and only married her for the money! I bet his kids will be so proud of daddy when they grow up...

Kayne West

The most arrogant, egotistical and vain fuckwit ever to be given a record deal. His few hits are based on samples of classics that he shits over with his crapping, yet he has the nerve to throw tantrums whenever someoen far more talented and deserving wins an award (that he would never have been nominated for in the first place! To top it all off, he mimes. CUNT.

Amy Wino

Classy - Wino begging for booze

A classic example of hypocracy from the press and public. Wino is a VILE filthy dirty junkie alcoholic skank, yet she is portrayed as "poor, brave, tragic" etc... and it wasn't that long ago when she was a fat FLOP that she was slagging off those who cashed in on their problems which is what she does now. Her treatment of her fans is as disgusting as her hair and dress sense - spitting on them, telling them to fuck off, going on stage pissed and junked up so she can barely manage to perform a single song and not even bothering her arse showing up. The sooner she fucks off, the better.

Mark Ronson

Responsible for relaunching Wino (who he was fucking) and her skankiness on the world and his skanky sister and her lipstick lesbian relationship with Holywood mattress Lindsay Lohan. And he looks like he smells.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Top Toys

Where do you begin when introducing someone to The Pope Of Pop, La Toya Jackson? Picking one of her ten albums wouldn't begin to showcase the many talents of Queen Sexbox and The Duchess Of Dance has one of the few artists to not have an actual "best of" compilation released - even Dannii has managed to have 8 of the things (which is double the number of studio albums she has released in 18 years) - so how does one become aquained with such a vast and eclectic back catalogue, especially when the only album curently in print has been released in at least 2,674 different versions...

The original Bad Girl album on MC

Obviously the best way is to make a list and assume that anyone reading this can be arsed to go looking for the tracks on their parent albums (no doubt from naughty filesharing sites)...

My Top Toy Treasures

#1 On A Night Like This
(From the album Imagination)
The most beautiful and sublime Calypso Ballad ever made that if it had been a single (aside from a promotional release in the Phillipines, a land that clearly has exquisite taste) would have made Toy bigger than Elvis! And no, it is not a Kylie cover...

#2 Free The World (Radio Remix)
(#24 US Hot Dance / Club Play, from the as yet unreleased album Startin' Over)
A stunning anthem with a powerful and important that needs to be heard. Also available in "Album Version" and "Extended Dance Mix" (otherwise known as the"Faggy Dance Remix") versions complete with childrens choir!

#3 Be My Lover
(From the album Bad Girl and its many variations)
A stunningly beautiful ballad that could only come from Toy's heavenly vocals. Amazingly it was made even more beautiful during Toy's residency at Balley's Casino in Las Vegas where a children's choir added an innocence to Toy's sultry and seductive song

#4 Sexual Feeling
(From the album Bad Girl also known as Sexual Feeling / Be My Lover / Spotlight On / Why Don't You Want My Hits / Forever Gold etc)
An arousing aural delight. Which just so happens to be ideal for offending prissy relatives and aquantances who you never want to speak to again - especially if you can get the single with the orgasmic "Sex Vocal"... Mi Piagi!

#5 Hot Potato
(From the album Heart Don't Lie)
Toy emasculates some dirty cheatin' playa in this epic anthem! Soem talented Toy Soldier made some Toytastic artwork - if you know who made it, please comment so I can thank the relevant person.

More Toy to come

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

The Anthem Of The Year - Out Now!

After months of waiting, the fabulous new single from hardcore pin-up Darren Styles, Girls Like You has finally been released!

Shame AATW seemed to have forgotten all about how to promote. Darren's most commercial single ever has been languishing on the "Coming Soon" section of the release schedules since November 2008. A digital bundle quietly appeared on iTunes on Monday, and as far as anyone knows no promos have been sent to radio or clubs...

The stunning video was filmed in LA in October - eagle eyed viewers may spot the main bint from Knobbie's Rock DJ making a cameo with the same hairstyle. Thats if they can stop freeze framing trying to catch a glimpse of Darren's chest as a horde of leggy lovelies attempt to rip off his shirt...

This fabulous single gets top marks from me - and my reader may have noticed it was my top track of 2008.

1. Fugitive's Radio Edit (3.21)
2. Fugitive's Sexy Crazy Remix (5.48 )
3. Flip & Fill Remix (6.41)
4. Hypasonic Remix (4.18 )
5. Riffs & Rays Remix (8.12)
6. Mike Di Scala Remix (7.00)

Stop this top tune from being a Dannii sized FLOP by downloading the sexy six track from iTunes.

Monday, February 02, 2009

Snow Days

Snow is fabulous! As long as you are indoors. Having to endure a five mile cross country trekk after being snowed into work is not. Just as well I have the perfect song for such a day by the fabulous Audio Bullys.

Taken from their debut album, Ego War, and released in the UK on a stunning 12" White vinyl, The Snow is a fabulously catchy ditty about the widespread cocaine abuse in the UK. You can listen below

My speakers aren't working so I can only assume that the audio is correct on the video...

You can get the limited 10" White Vinyl from the discogs marketplace or download the track from itunes / 7 digital. Ego War from all the usual places (ebay, HMV, amazon etc)