Heating Up The Blue Lagoon

I must apologise to my reader for the lack of updates - the excitement of The Goddess and Queen Toy Toy releases overshadowed everything momentarily. Though a showing of a fabulous video on Clubland TV reminded me of a post I said I was going to do before Evacuate The Dancefloor appeared.

Hunky David

German band Blue Lagoon are the reason bisexuality was invented. The sexy couple Estrella and David O'Joseph would convince the most ardent hetero or homo to swing the other way... For further proof, check out the video for their debut German Gold selling single Break My Stride. note the crotch thrusting at the 2:14 mark...

Fancy A Sandwich?

The couple specialise in reggae covers of classic tracks with hits in Germany, Sweden, Austria and Denmark as well as various other countries across Europe - though they have yet to break the UK despite AATW almost giving them some promotion.

Stunning Estrella

Having released two albums Club Lagoon and Sentimental Fools, the dishy duo are hopefully working on a third while raising their family.



You can visit their website where you can preview the albums and find a few more videos on youtube. All pictures were shamelessly borrowed from their myspace page.

Evacuate The Dancefloor Review

It has been just over a week since I got my hands on the latest aural scriptures from The Goddess, Evacuate The Dancefloor which follows hot on the heels of their UK #1 single of the same name so its about time I reviewed it for the unbelievers.

Heavenly

Evacuate the Dancefloor
Fabulous opening track and a club stomper. Though I don't see the CaCa rip off that some claim. A bit different from the usual Cascada sound, but still a future classic. Not quite up there with What Hurts The Most or Miracle, but still excellent.
9.5/10

Hold On
Starts off a bit badly, almost like a terrible midtempo "indie" track and turns into typical Cascada. Not the best track to follow such a great opener.
5/10

Everytime I Hear Your Name
Similar to Everytime We Touch, only with the verses fast and the first half of the chorus slower. A decent track that manages to sound fresh and new despite following the tried and tested formula
7/10

Ready Or Not
Another heavy hitting dance anthem that will probably take the clubs by storm though it could easily have fitted onto the revious album Perfect Day.
7/10

Note To Dannii: This Is Called Promotion.

Fever
A fan favourite that merges the more electro sound of the title track with the classic Cascada sound. Think Booty Luv's Some Kind Of Rush but harder and with a hint of guitar. Rumoured to be the next single.
9/10

Hold Your Hands Up
A quite tender downtempo number featuring stunning Natalie showing off her sultry vocals accompanied by an acoustic guitar and some drums. Lovely.
8/10

Breathless
A bit of an odd one. Reminds me of Kids In America with its slightly rockier edge. I can see this getting full remix treatment for the clubs though.
7.5/10

Dangerous
The Goddess back to doing what she does best - Hi NRG dance - though this has an added menacing undertone. A video has been filmed (though it seems to have vanished from youtube) so it may be a future single somewhere.
8.5/10

Stunning Natalie showing off another two massive hits

Why You Had To Leave
Very much Cascada by numbers and one of only two substandard / filler type tracks.
6/10


What About Me
Yet another hands-in-the-air floor filler though with a bit more of an electronic edge than similar track on the previous two albums
7/10

Draw The Line
Absolutely stunning ballad where busty beauty natalie showcases her large lumgs with only a piano for company. The highlight of the album and hopefully it will get a single release.
10/10

Overall, far better than previous effort Perfect Day and on par with Everytime We Touch only let down really by the second track taking away from the momentum of the first. Dannii would kill for an album this good.
Bap Rating: Dannii's WMDD's

The Goddess Triumphant!

$ucce$$! Stunning Natalie Horler has claimed her rightful place atop the UK Charts. Despite a publicity stunt by Michael Jackson attempting to claim the title with an old song by dying, Cascada's latest club stomper Evacuate The Dancefloor ascended to the throne from its midweek position of #3.




Take that Dannii! The true Queen Of Clubs is here.

Remember to buy the stunning new album of the same name - out Monday! (or now!)

Black Marks

ElectroFLOP fans would no doubt be excited by the recent release of Kish Mauve's debut album Black Heart - if they had ever heard of them. Most famous for writing Kylie's 2 Hearts (which they had released on their self titled 3 track EP in 2005) and Lose Control.

Musically they are excellent and from the EP, 2 Hearts and Lose Control, the expectation was for a highly individual and unique masterpiece fusing electro with rockier instruments and rhythms. Unfortunately the end result leaves you wondering where exactly you have heard the tracks before (the cover art is very reminiscent of St Etienne)... Adding to this, singer Mina's vocals are very flat and unengaging - sounding detatched and indifferent for the most part (a technique tried, tested and FLOPPED with indie chicks of the 90's) and robotic, stilted and over pronounced the rest of the time. Sarah Cracknell she ain't!

MinaBot - better than Rosin at least.

Lose Control
When Kylie's version leaked, it was greeted with joy and hype - and subsequent rage when it wasn't on X. While Kylie's version isn't that good but had potential, their own version is much worse and ruined by Mina's robotic, emotionless delivery. A waste. At least it sounds quite original and could have been great. There are 15 remixes available on itunes some of which are quite good.
5/10

Matthew
Daft Punk meets Goldfrapp but the verses suffer from terrible lyrics that wouldn't be out of place on one of poopoo's shitefests.
5/10

I Don't Care
The chorus is a direct rip off of the Killers Mr Brightside and the rest is the standard "electro rock" from Hot Fuss.
3/10

Yawn...

In My Kitchen
Sounds like the Pretenders covering the Hoosiers shitefest Mr A.
4/10

Black Heart
Contains an uncredited rip off from The Eurythmics You Have Placed A Chill In My Heart over a track ripped straight from Goldfrapp's Black Cherry album...
5/10

Come On
Becomes a failry standard indie track very quickly, again chanelling the Killers and with a very weak chorus.
3/10

Morphine
Rather cliched radio friendly romp that sounds strikingly similar to Celebrity Skin era Hole...
2/10

Shite track, excellent video

You Make Me Feel
Stunning - a beautifully haunting slow burner and for once Mina's robotic vocals almost suit the song. Easily the stand out track. Penned by Kylie and Richard Stannard.
9/10

Modern Love
Absolutely terrible lyrically again. On the plus side, it doesn't sound like Goldfrapp or the Killers and towards the end turns into a fantastic track.
4/10

Fast Forwardto the good bits near the end.

Fahrenheit
Another beautiful track, though it seems to be beautiful era Garbage meets Tiger Bay era St Etienne
7/10

I'm In Love With Your Rock And Roll
Sounds like a Killers B-Side.
5/10

2 Hearts
Kish mauve's own version of the Kylie smash is apparently an iTunes bonus track. While many think their version is the better, again Mina's stilted vocals just don't cut it.
5/10

Overall, while it aspires to be the best Goldfrapp album that they never made, it sounds like a NME compilation album lacking in any kind of spark. A massive disappointment.
Turn On: You Make Me Feel
Turn Off: Morphine
Bap Rating: Paris Pancakes
If You Like This: Try The Killers Hot Fuss, Goldfrapp's Black Cherry and The Eurythmics back catalogue which are all what Black Heart tries to be. Or try that pretentious bint Rosin from Moloko.

Official: Kylie is OVAH DA HILL!

Aged Aussie strumpet Kylie Minogue today officially joins the poopoo in Ye Middle Age! The sexy songbird turns 41 today, which makes her ancient by pop standards and according to the brain dead FLOPjustice followers (and rather ironically by Trolls Of The poopoo). Despite the fact that most producers are in their late 30's - early 40's and fashion is decided by 60 year old fat MINGERS...

To celebrate, here are my Top 11 Kylie videos:

#11 Wow (2008)


#10 Finer Feelings (1991)


#9 Give Me Just A Little More Time (1990/1991)


#8 Red Blooded Woman (2004)


#7 On A Night Like This (2000)


#6 In Your Eyes (2002)


#5 Word Is Out (1991)


#4 Breathe (1998)


#3 All I See (2008)


#2 Where Is The Feeling? (1995)

#1 Chocloate (2004)

DD-Day For Dannii?

Poor Dannii! It looks like her much touted yet utterly useless Queen Of Clubs title is losing its shine, and her continued indifference towards her music career and her long-suffering fans is beginning to dawn on even the most lobotomized of Droids!

It wasn't too long ago that VILE dEroYd kAwEen nafensayz was BANNING anyone who dared to suggest that Dannii wasn't a Diamond selling musical force with chart success rivalling that of the Beatles, Elvis and Michael Jackson, meaning that the vast majority of Dannii's remaining long term hardcore fans were being turned off their busty icon. However, a quick visit t the Droid Collective will reveal those once branding "troll" and "hayata" round on anyone who dared enjoy Dannii for what she is, conspiring to get them banned is now parrotting off the same lines about FLOPS and holidays used by those "trolls"! Though without the underlying injections of humour and admiration.

How ever will Dannii cope? No doubt catching the next Easyjet flight to St Tropez...

It also looks like the much hyped Freemasons collaboration will never see the light of day, assuming Dannii actually managed to do her two line vocal contribution but the epic Who Do You Love Now, Dannii's biggest worldwide smash, has been reissued in Brazil with a new remix by Bart Claessen. A career as the new Nikki French looks likely!

The Goddess Returns!

Cascada are back! Stunning Natalie Horler and those two blokes who do the knob twiddling are unleashing their fabulous new single Evacuate The Dancefloor from the album of the same name on the world on the 29th of June and the fabulous people at Clubland.FM have the exclusive new video! You can watch it here.

Or thanks to Steve at AATW, you can watch it here!





It gets a bap rating of Natalie's Norks from me.