Postcards From Puerto Rico

Heating Up The Blue Lagoon

2009-07-24T13:53:00.004+01:00

I must apologise to my reader for the lack of updates - the excitement of The Goddess and Queen Toy Toy releases overshadowed everything momentarily. Though a showing of a fabulous video on Clubland TV reminded me of a post I said I was going to do before Evacuate The Dancefloor appeared.

Hunky David

German band Blue Lagoon are the reason bisexuality was invented. The sexy couple Estrella and David O'Joseph would convince the most ardent hetero or homo to swing the other way... For further proof, check out the video for their debut German Gold selling single Break My Stride. note the crotch thrusting at the 2:14 mark...

Fancy A Sandwich?

The couple specialise in reggae covers of classic tracks with hits in Germany, Sweden, Austria and Denmark as well as various other countries across Europe - though they have yet to break the UK despite AATW almost giving them some promotion.

Stunning Estrella

Having released two albums Club Lagoon and Sentimental Fools, the dishy duo are hopefully working on a third while raising their family.

You can visit their website where you can preview the albums and find a few more videos on youtube. All pictures were shamelessly borrowed from their myspace page.

Evacuate The Dancefloor Review

2009-07-11T16:50:00.003+01:00

It has been just over a week since I got my hands on the latest aural scriptures from The Goddess, Evacuate The Dancefloor which follows hot on the heels of their UK #1 single of the same name so its about time I reviewed it for the unbelievers.

Heavenly

Evacuate the Dancefloor
Fabulous opening track and a club stomper. Though I don't see the CaCa rip off that some claim. A bit different from the usual Cascada sound, but still a future classic. Not quite up there with What Hurts The Most or Miracle, but still excellent.
9.5/10

Hold On
Starts off a bit badly, almost like a terrible midtempo "indie" track and turns into typical Cascada. Not the best track to follow such a great opener.
5/10

Everytime I Hear Your Name
Similar to Everytime We Touch, only with the verses fast and the first half of the chorus slower. A decent track that manages to sound fresh and new despite following the tried and tested formula
7/10

Ready Or Not
Another heavy hitting dance anthem that will probably take the clubs by storm though it could easily have fitted onto the revious album Perfect Day.
7/10

Note To Dannii: This Is Called Promotion.

Fever
A fan favourite that merges the more electro sound of the title track with the classic Cascada sound. Think Booty Luv's Some Kind Of Rush but harder and with a hint of guitar. Rumoured to be the next single.
9/10

Hold Your Hands Up
A quite tender downtempo number featuring stunning Natalie showing off her sultry vocals accompanied by an acoustic guitar and some drums. Lovely.
8/10

Breathless
A bit of an odd one. Reminds me of Kids In America with its slightly rockier edge. I can see this getting full remix treatment for the clubs though.
7.5/10

Dangerous
The Goddess back to doing what she does best - Hi NRG dance - though this has an added menacing undertone. A video has been filmed (though it seems to have vanished from youtube) so it may be a future single somewhere.
8.5/10

Stunning Natalie showing off another two massive hits

Why You Had To Leave
Very much Cascada by numbers and one of only two substandard / filler type tracks.
6/10

What About Me
Yet another hands-in-the-air floor filler though with a bit more of an electronic edge than similar track on the previous two albums
7/10

Draw The Line
Absolutely stunning ballad where busty beauty natalie showcases her large lumgs with only a piano for company. The highlight of the album and hopefully it will get a single release.
10/10

Overall, far better than previous effort Perfect Day and on par with Everytime We Touch only let down really by the second track taking away from the momentum of the first. Dannii would kill for an album this good.
Bap Rating: Dannii's WMDD's

The Goddess Triumphant!

2009-07-05T20:46:00.004+01:00

$ucce$$! Stunning Natalie Horler has claimed her rightful place atop the UK Charts. Despite a publicity stunt by Michael Jackson attempting to claim the title with an old song by dying, Cascada's latest club stomper Evacuate The Dancefloor ascended to the throne from its midweek position of #3.

Take that Dannii! The true Queen Of Clubs is here.

Remember to buy the stunning new album of the same name - out Monday! (or now!)

Black Marks

2009-06-09T16:16:00.004+01:00

ElectroFLOP fans would no doubt be excited by the recent release of Kish Mauve's debut album Black Heart - if they had ever heard of them. Most famous for writing Kylie's 2 Hearts (which they had released on their self titled 3 track EP in 2005) and Lose Control.

Musically they are excellent and from the EP, 2 Hearts and Lose Control, the expectation was for a highly individual and unique masterpiece fusing electro with rockier instruments and rhythms. Unfortunately the end result leaves you wondering where exactly you have heard the tracks before (the cover art is very reminiscent of St Etienne)... Adding to this, singer Mina's vocals are very flat and unengaging - sounding detatched and indifferent for the most part (a technique tried, tested and FLOPPED with indie chicks of the 90's) and robotic, stilted and over pronounced the rest of the time. Sarah Cracknell she ain't!

MinaBot - better than Rosin at least.

Lose Control
When Kylie's version leaked, it was greeted with joy and hype - and subsequent rage when it wasn't on X. While Kylie's version isn't that good but had potential, their own version is much worse and ruined by Mina's robotic, emotionless delivery. A waste. At least it sounds quite original and could have been great. There are 15 remixes available on itunes some of which are quite good.
5/10

Matthew
Daft Punk meets Goldfrapp but the verses suffer from terrible lyrics that wouldn't be out of place on one of poopoo's shitefests.
5/10

I Don't Care
The chorus is a direct rip off of the Killers Mr Brightside and the rest is the standard "electro rock" from Hot Fuss.
3/10

Yawn...

In My Kitchen
Sounds like the Pretenders covering the Hoosiers shitefest Mr A.
4/10

Black Heart
Contains an uncredited rip off from The Eurythmics You Have Placed A Chill In My Heart over a track ripped straight from Goldfrapp's Black Cherry album...
5/10

Come On
Becomes a failry standard indie track very quickly, again chanelling the Killers and with a very weak chorus.
3/10

Morphine
Rather cliched radio friendly romp that sounds strikingly similar to Celebrity Skin era Hole...
2/10

Shite track, excellent video

You Make Me Feel
Stunning - a beautifully haunting slow burner and for once Mina's robotic vocals almost suit the song. Easily the stand out track. Penned by Kylie and Richard Stannard.
9/10

Modern Love
Absolutely terrible lyrically again. On the plus side, it doesn't sound like Goldfrapp or the Killers and towards the end turns into a fantastic track.
4/10

Fast Forwardto the good bits near the end.

Fahrenheit
Another beautiful track, though it seems to be beautiful era Garbage meets Tiger Bay era St Etienne
7/10

I'm In Love With Your Rock And Roll
Sounds like a Killers B-Side.
5/10

2 Hearts
Kish mauve's own version of the Kylie smash is apparently an iTunes bonus track. While many think their version is the better, again Mina's stilted vocals just don't cut it.
5/10

Overall, while it aspires to be the best Goldfrapp album that they never made, it sounds like a NME compilation album lacking in any kind of spark. A massive disappointment.
Turn On: You Make Me Feel
Turn Off: Morphine
Bap Rating: Paris Pancakes
If You Like This: Try The Killers Hot Fuss, Goldfrapp's Black Cherry and The Eurythmics back catalogue which are all what Black Heart tries to be. Or try that pretentious bint Rosin from Moloko.

Official: Kylie is OVAH DA HILL!

2009-05-28T00:10:00.002+01:00

Aged Aussie strumpet Kylie Minogue today officially joins the poopoo in Ye Middle Age! The sexy songbird turns 41 today, which makes her ancient by pop standards and according to the brain dead FLOPjustice followers (and rather ironically by Trolls Of The poopoo). Despite the fact that most producers are in their late 30's - early 40's and fashion is decided by 60 year old fat MINGERS...

To celebrate, here are my Top 11 Kylie videos:

#11 Wow (2008)

#10 Finer Feelings (1991)

#9 Give Me Just A Little More Time (1990/1991)

#8 Red Blooded Woman (2004)

#7 On A Night Like This (2000)

#6 In Your Eyes (2002)

#5 Word Is Out (1991)

#4 Breathe (1998)

#3 All I See (2008)

#2 Where Is The Feeling? (1995)

#1 Chocloate (2004)

DD-Day For Dannii?

2009-05-22T15:32:00.006+01:00

Poor Dannii! It looks like her much touted yet utterly useless Queen Of Clubs title is losing its shine, and her continued indifference towards her music career and her long-suffering fans is beginning to dawn on even the most lobotomized of Droids!

It wasn't too long ago that VILE dEroYd kAwEen nafensayz was BANNING anyone who dared to suggest that Dannii wasn't a Diamond selling musical force with chart success rivalling that of the Beatles, Elvis and Michael Jackson, meaning that the vast majority of Dannii's remaining long term hardcore fans were being turned off their busty icon. However, a quick visit t the Droid Collective will reveal those once branding "troll" and "hayata" round on anyone who dared enjoy Dannii for what she is, conspiring to get them banned is now parrotting off the same lines about FLOPS and holidays used by those "trolls"! Though without the underlying injections of humour and admiration.

How ever will Dannii cope? No doubt catching the next Easyjet flight to St Tropez...

It also looks like the much hyped Freemasons collaboration will never see the light of day, assuming Dannii actually managed to do her two line vocal contribution but the epic Who Do You Love Now, Dannii's biggest worldwide smash, has been reissued in Brazil with a new remix by Bart Claessen. A career as the new Nikki French looks likely!

The Goddess Returns!

2009-05-19T16:07:00.002+01:00

Cascada are back! Stunning Natalie Horler and those two blokes who do the knob twiddling are unleashing their fabulous new single Evacuate The Dancefloor from the album of the same name on the world on the 29th of June and the fabulous people at Clubland.FM have the exclusive new video! You can watch it here.

Or thanks to Steve at AATW, you can watch it here!

It gets a bap rating of Natalie's Norks from me.

El Haze del Barrio

2009-05-16T23:50:00.001+01:00

From one sexy Spaniard to another...

While Reggaeton and US "urban" music is the sound of Lation America, Spain tends to remain firmly entrenched in its European roots - meaning lots of fabulous trashy Europop mimed to by busty blonde babes. Though anyone who has visited the cities of Spain will no doubt have noticed a thriving hip-hop subculture, mostly consisting of groups of teenagers hanging round street corners crumpin' to classic US hip-hop. And while generally hip-hop is not big in Spain, it has the support of a growing underground scene from los barrios (or "hoods") of urban espagna - and a few thriving local artists.

One of the most prolific and most successful is Serio Lopez aka El Haze (or Haze). A bit of rough straight from the set of a Triga film, Haze has managed to grow a loyal following in Spain (and to an extent parts of Latin America) with his songs that touch a chord with the lower paid masses of sunny Spain with social injustice, domestic violence and poverty being raised - a far cry from the blinged up crystal drinking uberpussies of the US hip-hop scene.

Three albums in to his career that should have lasted a novelty single, Haze shows no signs of slowing down. Though he is yet to pose naked for Zero, his rough and ready attitude and street looks have made him a pin-up for certain Barcelona gay men and the odd UK visitor...

First album Cronicas Del Barrio was such a massive success that Universal had to reissue it to meet demand, though naturally the reissue included a few new tracks including 7 Virgenes. From what my terrible Spanish translation can gather, there was also a film / documentary filmed highlighting the dire poverty of the Spanish "ghettos" of his native Seville that Haze brought to the publics attention.

Turn On: El Bola, the hilarious Satisfucktion, and if you like a bit of rough the booklet pictures are a gift from the Gods of Gay Porn
Turn Off: If you don't speak Spanish, you won't get the full message behind some of the more hard hitting tracks.
Bap Rating: Toy's Treasures

Second album, El Precio De La Fama (subtitled Hip Hop En La Sangre) dealt more with the troubles brought on by Sergio's new found celebrity status. So plenty of tradidtional hip-hop anthems revolving around ho's, haterz and being hot feature packaged with a Christ-like semi naked cover shot make this essential listening and wank fantasy fodder - something most rappers will never achieve. Inner booklet has further hot pictures shot on a derelict mine, including my favourite shot of the hunky hispanic hottie (the rear booklet cover).
Turn On: Rompe Tu Silencio
Turn Off: the ten 4 second tracks before Mientras Los Barrios Duermen (which in the standard edition starts 30 seconds late and cuts off half way through, though this is fixed for the reissued CD + DVD Deluxe Edition).
Bap Rating: Dannii's WMDD's

Followed up in 2008 with 3rd Round, Lopez put on some clothes and returned to his roots while also sending up his own fame. Though a bit more hit-and-miss than previous efforts, the boxer themed photoshoot will have Triga fans spontaniously combusting due to excessive masturbation.
Turn On: Suenos
Turn Off: Haze 4 Life
Bap Rating: Mutya's Mammaries

It is hard to get hold of Haze albums from the usual outlets such as ebay and amazon, though both El Corte Ingles and FNAC are good places to try as well as your local branch of Discos Nodas.

Jesus Desnudos!

2009-05-15T13:35:00.004+01:00

Jesus Vazquez is one of the best known and most popular Spanish TV presenters fronting the Spanish version of Deal Or No Deal, ¡Allá tú! - and one of the highest profile openly gay celebrities in Europe, having outed himself in Spanish magazine Zero which, if anything, boosted his profile and his career. Having won awards for presenting the sexy Spaniard has also been a spokesman for an amnesty campaign against domestic violence (that highlighted that it could happen to anyone regardless of gender or sexuality), returned to modelling occasionally, dipped his toe into acting, been active in Gay Rights and awareness campaigns and hosted various award shows.

Desnudos! Putting most 23 year olds to shame with his tanned and toned torso

At age 43, he is still a popular pin up with men and women alike (especially due to full frontal naked snaps of him on a nude beach circulating the internet and Spanish gossip mags) , though the former model is happily married to partner Roberto Cortes, breaking the hearts of hordes of horny Spanish Senoritas and a few Seniors.

Sexy - male cleavage to rival Dannii's rack!

However, it is a little know fact that the sexy Spaniard had a brief singing career. Back in 1993, he released the album A Dos Milimetros Escasos De Tu Bora on BMG / Ariola records. A surprisingly good record typically cheesy 90's Spanish Pop such as lead single Y Yo Te Bese but without the usual cheap production that marred most 90's records. The booklet is particularly thick and glossy, containing some rather sexy pictures of Vazquez, including one in tight leather trousers and a shirt opened to reveal a toned chest - they knew his market!

Turn On: Everything! And if the music doesn't float your boat, the bookelt pictures will...
Turn Off: It ends after only 11 tracks
Bap Rating: Dannii's WMDD's
Visit: Official Site www.jesusvazquez.es

Sadly, this album is long out of print and difficult to get hold of unless you are willing to trawl through second hand shops in Barcelona or Madrid in the hope of finding a copy.

Satanic Kylie!

2009-05-14T12:42:00.007+01:00

In one of the most hilarious articles EVER posted by Australian "news" website ninemsn, Pop Princess Kylie has been outed as SATANIC! I see it now - Better The Devil You Know was about her romps with daemonic beings and Kids was a subtle way of inducting unsuspecting teens into worshipping Lucifer... and it means that the Droids were right - Kylie used her influence with him downstairs to spitefully ruin Dannii's career!

Kylie Corrupts! Recruiting The Gays to the Dark Prince.

Here is what they had to say:

Kylie Minogue

Kylie Minogue may be mostly known for her cutesy pop songs and girl-next-door style, but she's been busted doing a few things granny wouldn't approve of in her time. Bad boy rockers Lenny Kravitz and the late Michael Hutchence come to mind.

Devil lovin' moment: Singing from atop a giant devil's head on her recent X tour was about as evil as it gets from Ms Minogue.

Kylie bewitches the audience on her X2008 Tour

One can only hope that this is not serious (or more likely they mixed the real Kylie up with some VILE parasitic money grabbing talentless plastic surgery addicted wannabe who is desperate for fame and has worked the casting couches throughout Australia)... check it out (at #12) and 10 other evil rockers here.

Kylie USA 2009 - For Me, For You.

2009-05-07T20:48:00.005+01:00

Even though Mike from Pop Trash Addicts posted about it first, as did almost every other blogger in the entire universe (because I was asleep), Kylie is finally taking a tour to the US & Canada with 6 - make that 7 and counting - dates in late September / October. Though probably an extension of X2008 with a few choice tracks omitted in favour of some stuff that was a minor hit in the US like Confide In Me (BB Hot Dance #39), Butterfly (US Hot Dance #14) or Red Blooded Woman (US Hot Dance #1), the usual alKylieda suspects rumour mill is going into overdrive with suggestions that it will be a radically revamped show where she will preview new tracks from her 11th studio album (which according to an EMI Press release, will be out this [financial] year).

To celebrate, here is another of her many US club classics - summer smash All I See (BB Dance #4), though fortunately crapper MIMS appears to have been replaced by sexy Marco Da Silva

This calls for a holiday!

ISCHGLucky...

2009-05-02T20:31:00.006+01:00

She's got it!

Kylie kicked off her European Festival Circuit commitments today in style at the "ISHGL On Top Of The Mountain" gig in Austria- and it looks like these gigs are forming a third leg of the X2008 tour (now X2009)

Lights..... Sound.....Mind.....Body.....

Opening with Speakerphone - complete with new stage props and stunning Gaultier ensemble (half of which seems to be recycled from the Atlantis opening) and dodgy sunglasses before classics like Can't Get You Out Of My Head, In Your Eyes, Loveboat and X tracks Wow (pictured above), 2 Hearts and Like A Drug.

Up yours alKylieda! - Kylie sticks to her guns to do Loveboat

According to dek from sayhey who was there with his daughter, the setlist was:

Speakerphone
Boombox /Can't Get You Out Of My Head
In Your Eyes

Heart Beat Rock
Wow
Shocked

Like A Drug
Slow
2 Hearts

Loveboat
Spinning Around
Better The Devil You Know
I Believe In You (Ballad)

On A Night Like This
Your Disco Needs You
Kids
Step Back In Time
In Your Arms

Love At First Sight

Kylie also stated in a pre-show interview that she felt it was "time" to get recording for her 11th studio album, so with work already started there is a slight chance that a taster might slip into one of these gigs - much like In Your Eyes snuck in during the V performance...

Lucky for Kylie, (but not for straight male fans) she had finished changing...

The HITS and FLOPS of the week!

2009-04-28T19:23:00.008+01:00

Finally, something I post on here gets the success it deserves! Mentioed by myself in an earlier random post, the fabulous Number 1 by Tinchy Stryder featuring N-Dubz claimed the top spot in the UK Singles Chart last week, and looks set to hang on for a second week! Yay! Congratulations to Tinchy, Tuslia, Dappy and Fazer for this well deserved $ucce$$.

You can view the stunning video here.

N-Dubz also confirmed that they have sold over 400,00 copies of their debut album Uncle B

Take that Dannii! Another AATW act that has topped the charts...

And even better news for VILE talentless trollps Hoez Afoul! Not content with the news that they may split asunder like Slutty Sarah's legs at z-list hangout Chinawhites with Racist Cheryl going solo and rent-a-beard Nadine supposedly doign the same, it looks like their latest SHITEFEST is going to be their first official FLOP and miss the Top 10!

And not before time!

However, it has brought out the CUNTS in force - just look at what one deranged GAyer had to say...

"... because whereas The Loving Kind would have gotten away without this kind of thing (just), Untouchable NEEDS this treatment.

I was thinking, instead of us fans buying 20 copies each, fans should be buying 50 copies each. What's £90 or whatever when their Top 10 run is at stake? It is our duty to do this.

This is why I'm setting up the Facebook page 'GET UNTOUCHABLE INTO THE TOP 10 - MULTI-BUY'.

If we say get, 1000 members from the UK signing up, who'll all pledge to buy 50 CDs/Downloads/Vinyls each (With CDs, separate transactions and in separate stores - so some travelling around the country will be involved here), then we could get them selling 50,000. And then with the amount it'd sell ordinarily, it could have a good chance of #1.

Click here and join up... Facebook Group"

Desperate! Deranged! Deaf! What a waste of dole money...

Yes that IS a picture of purchases of one format made by that pathetic CUNT. On Monday alone! And they did the same for their previous aural turd...

Makes DULLta's Cultists look positively sane by comparision - the record for bulk purchases being 37 copies of the almost bearable second album Mistaken Identity and at least they were spread across different formats from different (well three) countries...

Top 10 $ucce$$ for Dannii!

2009-04-03T13:15:00.005+01:00

Take that Kylie and haters! Dannii's massive mammaries have boosted her into the Top 10 of the FMH Hot 100 Hall Of Fame! beating strumpet Jordan, egotistical Miss Tyra and epilectic banshee Beyawnsay to a respectable #8 - her biggest hit since heaving her WMDD's out for the video of You Won't Forget About Me back in 2004.

This is what the wank addicts at FHM had to say:

Dannii Minogue

Highest Ever Position: 10

Career High:Transforming herself from awkward teen tearaway Emma Jackson in Home And Away, to voluptuous pop vixen in the early Nineties – upping her cup size to a magnificent “D” in the process.

Snippet: “I’ve been in Playboy in Australia. I loved it. I think it's really empowering and positive towards women.” Hear! Hear!

$ucce$$! To celebrate, here are Dannii's Top 5 sexiest videos:

#5 I Begin To Wonder (UK #2, 2003)

In lace gloves and curve-clinging red dress, Dannii romps round an industrial estate.

#4 So Under Pressure (UK #20, 2006)

Sibling suffering has never been so sexy! In sympathy with sister Kylie's illness, Dannii frolics with her lipstick lesbian dance troupe and squeezes her famous rack into a tight white bikini to writhe suggestively with an albino python.

Watch the video here.

#3 All I Wanna Do (UK #4, 1997)

Busty blonde Dannii's first video appearance, featuring sexy showering Dannii, ample cleavage and vintage internet porn surfers!

#2 You Won't Forget About Me (UK #7, 2004)

Heaving out the WMDD's made this one of Dannii's most-watched videos.

Watch the video here.

#1 Put The Needle On It (UK #7, 2002)

Dirty hands, she demands! Seductively posing astride a massive 12"er, pole dancing and rubbing herself against a wall that grows invisible hands while showcasing her buxom breasts in sexy cutting edge designer clobber. It must have been cold on set...

All hail the kWeN oV kLuBz1111

Random Stuff

2009-03-27T13:23:00.003Z

I am NEVER slagging off the NHS again! After enduring the barbaric treatment of my local hospital, recently rated the third worst in Europe I couldn't be arsed completing the posts I ahd planned, so in the meantime here is some random stuff I am enjoying at the moment.

And what better way to recover from being butchered than by bathing in the Orange Radiance of the Queen Of Clubland! Perma-tanned sex symbol K Lo is back to her breast and is doing her bit for the ailing economy by bathing in Ronseal to supplement her spray tan - and turning one of the poopoo's forgotten turds into a future classic!

AATW managed to once again forget to promote their acts so the release of the latest single by hardcore pin-up boy Darren Styles managed to go completely unnoticed by everyone, even with a video that sees him being chased by underwear clad strumpets trying to seduce him into bed.

However, the reverse is almost true for current AATW in-house favourites Blackout Crew - who despite being derided even by stalwart AATW fans as "cheap, nasty, talentless CHAV scum" have made another nonsensical ditty about themselves. The video for Dialed is rather shamelessly tacky, but sexy member AKA looks particulary hot in his pinstripe shirt and grey waistcoat

While following on from the proud tradition of the fabulous Sunblock, Swedish sensations E-Type return with a rather average track and a pneumatic video featuring a bevvy of busty beauties.

and still wearing his Star In The Hood clobber, Tinchy Stryder has teemed up with the Chav-tastic N-Dubz for latest single Number 1 - probably an ode to Dannii's inability to achieve one on a chart that matters.

Everyones favourite Lesbian Icon P!nk serves up yet another stunning video with her latest single Please Don't Leave Me which is a humourous take on Misery complete with some sexy Nurse outfits...

and finally an old classic from Spanish Hip-Hop sex symbol, Haze who I shall be writing about more shortly.

Queen Annie

2009-03-14T19:41:00.004Z

Probably one of the most underrated Diva's of recent times is the fabulous Annie Lennox. Though her stellar work with Dave Steward as the Eurythmics is recognised and praised worldwide (and rightly so!), the sexy Scotswomens solo work is sadly ignored. Apart from those who remember she did the wacky crazy dress sense long before the current crop of try-hards - and she could actually carry it off with style and panache. With the release of The Annie Lennox Collection, I can't think of a better time to peruse the back catalogue of this feisty female superstar.

First solo album Diva is a veritable pop masterpiece - spawning 5 singles and a fabulous video album, continuing the trend started with The Eurythmics for artistic and creative videos - and the most successful commercially. Containing a diverse array of musical styles and themes, many of which are rather dark and most highly personal - something that continues throughout her solo work.
Turn On: Little Bird, Precious
Turn Off: Don't you dare touch it! This is perfection!
Bap Rating: Toys Treasures
Trivia: A cover of the Precious b-side Step-By-Step was a sizeable hit for crack and vibrator addict Whitney Houston

Follow up Medusa was slightly more low-key due to Annie wishing to escape the media spotlight and allow her young daughters a proper, private upbringing. Consisting of cover songs previously recorded by male artists (including a haunting version of Whiter Shade Of Pale) it doesn't quite hit the same standard of Diva but contains some fabulously subverted gems - and despite commercial success, remains Annie's weakest solo project.
Turn On: Take Me To The River, No More "I Love You's"
Turn Off: Train In Vain
Bap Rating: Paris Pancakes
Trivia: The original version of Whiter Shade Of Pail was the first record Lennox ever purchased.

It was many years before Lennox returned with her third album (having spent the time as a mother and rejoining Dave to release the album Peace) but it was worth the wait. Bare is exquisitely haunting and melancholy in every way and each track is a masterpiece.
Turn On: Pavement Cracks, Lonliness
Turn Off: This masterpiece needs listened to in its entirety and does not contain a single dud.
Bap Rating: Dannii's WMDD's
Trivia: Bare produced 3 #1 hits on the US Hot Dance / Club Play chart, but no singles were released in the UK

Final solo effort, Songs Of Mass Destruction is another that sees Lennox embracing a number of darker, moodier and issue led songs - though it is probably her hardest to get into.
Turn On: Dark Road, Smithereens
Turn Off: Sing
Baps Rating: Mutya's Mammaries
Trivia: Sing contained vocal contributions from 23 female stars including the Sugababes, Anastasia, Celine Dion, Skankira and the poopoo - the latter ruining the track entirely. A nice idea, but too many cooks...

and onto the collection itself:

Little Bird
An amazing anthem, filled with such passion and strength, yet speaking from a deep depression. Beyond fabulous. The amazing video is the cherry on top
10/10

Walking On Broken Glass
Another stunning track delivered with emotion lacking in most of the FLOP tarts of today. Also accompanied by a sensational video
8/10

Why
A lovely track, but compared to many of its peers on Diva, it doesn't have quite the same punch unfortunately
7/10

No More "I Love You's"
Another epic from the Aberdonian Amazon - delivered with just the right emotional inflection when required. Yet anotehr one of the many fabulous videos, set in a decadent gender-bending brothel
8/10

Precious
Remeniscant of the electro-funk of some of the later Eurythmics work, this personal ode to her elder daughter at the time of writing (and is now dedicated them both) . Immensely powerful and stunning - and the video is another breathtaking masterpiece.
10/10

A Whiter Shade Of Pale
Beautifully haunting and more than a match for the original
7/10

A Thousand Beautiful Things
Simply stunning
9/10

Sing
What should have been an emotive and powerful anthem fails simply has too many others involved - and many of their contributions are far too insipid or robotic for something like this. The track had the potential, and still does. Just lose the egotistical bitches like Skankira and the poopoo...
4/10

Pavement Cracks
Another depressingly beautiful or beautifully depressing track.
9/10

Love Song For A Vampire
Perfectly matching the different emotions one would expect in a haunting vampire love ballad and making something shimmeringly gorgeous. It oozes unrequited lust and desire. Shame about the film...
10/10

Cold
Another stunningly haunting ballad with a stunning video
8/10

Dark Road
Another moody number from La Lennox
6/10

Pattern Of My Life
Previously titled "Closer Now" when it was a b-side by dullards Keane, one can only assume this is an improvement on the original. As it stands, it is very dull, insipid and uninspired, adn not what you'd expect from Annie.
2/10

Shining Light
Another cover, this time of "britpop" / "indie" Oirish bores Ash, though at least this time the song has been resuced from coma-inducing shitefest to listenable. Though it is still a substandard effort by Annie's very lofty standards.
4/10

Bonus CD:
Into The West
There are no words to describe just how stunning this epic is. Powerful and emotive lyrics and vocal delivery only add to the punch of this bitter lament. And this is without taking it within the context of the setting. This track remains one of the few to ever move me to tears.
10/10

Ladies Of The Canyon
A rather dull cover of a Joni Mitchell track
6/10

Hush, Hush, Hush
A haunting and woeful ballad is what Annie excels at, and this is no exception.
7/10

Many Rivers To Cross (Live, from Idol Gives Back)
Rather tedious when placed alongside the rest of Annie's back catalogue, but a nice enough performance.
5/10

Dream Angus
Any fellow Scots should know this song by heart, and Annie's interpretation is sublime.
8/10

Mama
One of the craziest woman in music covering THE craziest woman in music - could only ever be good. This Bjork classic won't go down well with those that like MOR Annie, but she adds a sublime darkness that Bjork counldn't hope to emulate.
7/10

Everybody Hurts (duet with Alicia Keys) (Live from "Keep A Child Alive"'s Black Ball UK)
I really don't like this song at all though this duet is bearable
3/10

Everytime We Say Goodbye
Beautiful
7/10

Anyone with taste needs to buy The Annie Lennox Collection now. Especially the 2 x CD & DVD set

Visit: The Annie Lennox youtube Channel; Annie Lennox Official Site

Viva La Lopez!

2009-03-01T20:29:00.000Z

With the forthcoming Greatest Hits Still From The Block to be released shortly, I felt it was time to do a countdown of my favourite tracks by the boricuan beauty. La Lopez is probably the last "Triple Threat" we are likely to see - singer, dancer, actress as well as business woman, perfumier, sex symbol, fashion icon, marathon runner, mother and role model for latina loveleys everywhere. The Bronx babe is also famous for her rotund rump - bringing sexy back and proving to the world that women with curves are hot, skeletons are not!

#10 Porque Te Marchas
(From Como Ama Una Mujer)
A Spanish version of (Can't Believe) This Is Me from Rebirth, this epic ballad has all the passion of the original with extra raw and emotive vocals from the bootlyicious boruica.

#9 Hold It Don't Drop It
(from Brave)
A throwback to the classic Soul Train days of the 70's when disco divas reigned supreme. If this had been the lead single, then Brave would have been huge. Shame the artwork is rather horrible

Live La Lopez!

#8 Si Ya Se Acabo
(From J Lo)
While her Spanish album Como Ama Una Mujer is beyond fabulous throughout, nothing gets quite as close to the brilliance of this chirpy little number. I have no idea what it is about though it always reminds me that I keep promising myself that I will learn Spanish.

#7 I'm Real
(From J Lo)
Fresh feelgood music with attitude.

#6 Waiting For Tonight (Hex's Momentous Radio Mix)
(From J To Tha L-O The Remixes)
Classic J Lo and probably her signature tune - and while the original (from On The 6) was fabulous, the Hex Hector mixes managed to take things up a notch. Has several fabulous videos as well based around the original, remix, Una Noche Mas, Una Noche Mas remix, Spanglish and Spanglish remix - all seamless.

#5 Whatever You Wanna Do
(From Rebirth)
While most fans will site Cherry Pie as the standout track from the much misunderstood Rebirth, it has nothing on this funky ditty that James Brown would have killed to perform. Went down a storm when the voluptous vixen performed it at NY Pride.

This is probably the wrong video...

#4 I'm Glad
(From This Is Me... Then)

Flashdance has never been sexier.

#3 Ain't It Funny
(From J Lo)
A sultry number with a sensational Herb Ritts directed video. On a related note, Ain't It Funny (Murder Remix) just missed making this list.

#2 The One / The One (Version 2)
(From This Is Me... Then)

A stunning heartfelt ballad from her finest album ever. Choosing between versions is almost impossible, though the original is slightly more shimmeringly gorgeous.

Stunning!

#1 Feelin' So Good (featuring Big Pun & Fat Joe)
(From On The 6)

One of the few gems salvageable from her stinker of a debut. A nice laid back funky number that sounds as good when lounging by the pool as it does hitting the clubs - and the song that started the infamous trend of La Lopez letting lesser talents from her posse of rent-a-crappers pollute her records.

Viva La Lopez! Note the fabulous furs - no doubt taken fresh from the pets of haters.

When good songs happen to VILE CUNTS

2009-02-25T13:12:00.005Z

Every so often, there comes a track that you can't help loving despite the fact you hate the artist. And at the moment, there are a few of them around. The situation hasn't been helped by the fabulous Clubland TV putting several of them on high rotation or my watching the usually crap Channel U...

Taio Cruz is "famous" for a song about his bukkake sessions with VILE talentless trollop Luciana but put him with Channel U favourite Tinchy Stryder and you have a fabulous little ditty that showcases everything that is right about current musical trends. I love the whole "Star In The Hood" advertising thing as well - even though Busta did it first with "The Big Bang"...

Missy Elliot clearly has the Midas touch (except when it comes to her own stuff) - having taken those talentless SLUTS into a must-have. Nicole FLOPzingers vile vocals have been thankfully obliterated by clever use of a vocorder and autotuner, and one of the background bints gets to sing! Though it has to be said that whenthe hottest thing in a video by a girl group that promotes itself as a sexy all-singing, all dancing troupe is Missy then you know its time for them to fuck off back to the gutter where they belong.

Even though this is at least 2 years old, this is just getting played in the UK. Egotistical CUNT Gigi D'Agostino managed to take a classic, make it even more fabulous and give it an amazing video. Also worth checking out is the video for Bla Bla Bla - jsut make sure you have your speakers turned off first.

and another couple of oldies from Rihanna who is rather crap, but has managed to do foure good tracks - Umbrella, We Ride, Don't Stop The Music and Disturbia. Shame about her abysmal live performances and countless reissues and rereleases of the same fucking album... I wonder if plans to reissue GGGB again are what made Chris Brown snap? Enjoy this live performance of DSTM if you can.

and last but not least, no post about VILE talentless CUNTS would be complete without mentioning Hoez Afoul. Biology is their only decent track and one of the last ever decent productions from the increasingly shite and up their own arses Xenomania. Watch for racist Cheryl not even being able to mime properly...

21cm, otherwise known as 8"

2009-02-19T22:20:00.003Z

A picture says a thousand words - especially when you don't understand the language. So when I saw the cover of Duo Kie's latest album 21cm on the shelf in El Corte Ingles I had to buy it.

Not only does the cover look like a censored gaydar advert, the title is equally suggestive. Though assuming that the title applies to the band member in question, he must be a grower.

The rather fabulous Yeah! video

A staple of the Spanish Hip-Hop scene since 1999, 21cm is the duo's 4th album.

Turn On: Aryutokintumi?
Turn Off: En El Club Con 50 Centimos
Bap Rating: Mutya's Mammaries
If you like this: check out my earlier posts about Calle 13 and keep reading for some more trashy Spanish Hip-Hop
Visit: the Duo Kie myspace

Dannii's biggest FLOPS!

2009-02-18T23:35:00.001Z

Whenever anyone talks of the younger Minogue sister, steering the conversation towards her chart toppers is an impossible task - because she has had none! Infact, as far as the general public is concerned, Dannii is famous for being Kylie's plastic surgery addicted sister, for baring her famous baps for Playboy and for somehow managing to blag her way onto the panel for the X Factor, probably because of her aforementioned jugs. However, anyone who has managed a visit to the Droid Collective will hear a different story - where Dannii is a multiplatinum multi-million selling $ucce$ story, credible vocalist and accomplished live performer; and anyone who says different is an evil jealous hater and most probably her spiteful sister in disguise...

Since there are endless Dannii "hits" compliations currently clogging up bargain bins worldwide, what better way to introduce the younger, bustier Minogue than with some stuff that even fans don't know about! It goes without saying that in the US, Japan and Europe that none of these charted...

#10 He's The Greatest Dancer

(From Club Disco, OZ #37, SP #9)
Despite being Dannii's biggest ever hit in Spain and the single (selected to be the annual BBC Children In Need charity single) being canned in the UK due to her inability to get it recorded on time, Dannii appearing on one of the highest rated Australian TV shows weekly and performing on the other two (as well as on the CIN show), though it did do alright considering she couldn't be arsed showing up for the video shoot...

The Droids Say: Distribution problems! I went to JB Hi-Fi and they told me they weren't getting any until next week and Sanity only had 2 copies but I bought them both as well as the three in HMV Bourke St and five from Chapel St but I left one cos then they wouldn't have counted.

Using sexual metaphor, Dannii expresses her pain in her undies

#9 So Under Pressure
(From The Hits & Beyond, UK #20, OZ #16, IR #31, NZ, #DNC, EU # DNC, IT #DNC)
While it remains only one of two Dannii songs to chart higher in her native Australia than in the UK (the other being her debut Love & Kisses back in 1990), it could only scrape into the UK Top 20 on a technicality, (due to the massive Crazy by Gnarls Barklay which would have been #17 being excluded under the chart rules of the time as it had been deleted two weeks previously) before plummetting faster than DULLTa's knickers at a Sony board meeting. Draping a python round her famous rack in the video and half arsed miming during the various promotional performances only helped cement Dannii's image as a FLOP star who cannot sing and gets her tits out, meaning that the public failed to embrace this stunning ode to sibling suffering.

What The Droids Say: Kylie sabotaged Dannii's career by deliberately getting cancer.

#8 Boogie Woogie
(From The Best Of Eurogroove, JP #DNC)
Made such an impact that noone knows anythign about it and it remains one of Danni's rarest tracks to date. Rumours that it made #1 on the Japanese charts have been revealed to be false by various J-Pop lovers across the internet, and as Eurogroove were Japanese, it wouldn't have charted on the international chart. An unconfirmed chart placing of #55 has been mentioned.

What The Droids Say: Nathen Says it was number one in Japan! Nathen will confurm!

#7 Get Into You
(From Get Into You UK #36, OZ #79, IR #DNC)
One of the most patheticly desperate attempts by La Minogue to give herself some cred and coolness by copying Janet Jackson and En Vogue. The only surprising thing about the lack of success of this aural turd is that it charted at all...

What The Droids Say: Dannii is so ahead of her time.

Dannii Does Dykes!

#6 Everlasting Night
(From some mardi gras compilation, OZ #42)
A one-off single not available anywhere else and the official song of the infamous Mardi Gras - surely a guaranteed Top 10 hit if ever there was one, yet the best it could do was hang around outside the Top 40 for a couple of weeks like a bad smell before vanishing without a trace.

What The Droids say: Homophobes!

#5 Coconut
(From Girl / The Singles, OZ #63)
Releasing a song that is a hidden track on an album noone bought as a single to promote a Greatest Hits compilation that noone bought, and was such a smash in the clubs that it even has its own naughty game based on the lyrics. Yet noone bought it.

What the Droids say: Evil Jealous Hater! Coconut was not a FLOP! I heard it in a club the other night.

#4 Don't Wanna Take This Pain
(From Dannii / Love And Kisses And... UK #40, OZ #98, IR #DNC)
Three (five in the UK) singles in and already barely charting...

What the Droids say: It was the 5th single from a gold album and it was Christmas and sales were bigger then anyway

#3 Show You the Way To Go
(From Get Into You, UK #30, OZ #DNC, IR #DNC)
First single from a new album, charity single, cover of a famous Jackson 5 hit - bound to be Top 10, right?

What The Droids say: Hater! You don't understand the Australian charts! It got to #104 which was higher than Madonna's I Want You* which only got to #140!

Pre-Surgery Dannii = HOT!

#2 Love's On Every Corner
(From Get Into You, UK #44, IR #DNC)
Take one track penned by Cathy Dennis, who was hot property at the time, add some trendy US flavoured melody and backing vocals and an edgy new video complete with street dancing. Fail to chart. Wasn't released in Australia due to the FLOP of SYTWTG and its failure to do anything in the UK.

What the Droids say: It doesn't count, it wasn't meant to be released.

#1 Touch Me Like That
(From Club Disco (Australian Edition), UK #48, OZ #DNC, IR #DNC, EU #DNC, IT #DNC)
10 million people saw Dannii every Saturday night on the X Factor - her profile had never been higher and she was getting a lot of positive press (especially in light of the vicious attacks on her by Sharon and Louise). Though the video did get her a new following with rubber fetishists, who used it as wank fodder.

What the Droids say: Dannii is the Queen Of Clubs! Such a success! The charts are fixed. Downloading is to blame. Everyone downloaded it illegally. It is AATW's fault.

Her bapshake brings all the boys to the RSL!

*IWY wasn't released in Australia... oops

Beyond Fabulous!

2009-02-13T17:46:00.006Z

Anyone bothering to read this may have noticed my brief guide to Calle 13 last month, where I declared Electro Movimiento to be the highlight of the Puerto Rican duo's latest album Los De Atras Vienen Conmigo - maybe someone at NORTE has been reading as the track has been given a fabulously sexy video!

You can check out this stunning visual orgasm at the Calle 13 Official youtube channel, alongside a making of clip. The opening few seconds alone will have Dannii wetter than that infamous poolside shower!

The Baps give this their seal of approval - now all that is needed is someone to snap this up in the UK.

VILE CUNTS in Music

2009-02-10T13:31:00.004Z

While most pop stars are generally nice enough, every so often there comes along one who is under the illusion that they are better than everyone else and that mere morals and laws don't apply to them because they are a "star" (the same thing is true of actors). So here is a brief list of some of the worst, some childishly renamed.

DULLta Good-Rim & Bryan McFatten

This pair of CUNTS deserve each other. She is a back door party hosting marriage wrecking skank ho, a liar, a scarlet woman and an insipid whiny bitch who has achieved popularity through sympathy. Yes she was ill, but she has used it to milk publicity for all three of her solo albums and as an excuse for her homewrecking harlotry. Infact, I can't think of a single thing she has released since her second single that hasn't had some sort of "poor DULLta" sob story to go with it - no wonder she is an international FLOP as noone outside of Australia is stupid enough to fall for that kind of manipulative crap unless its on the X Factor. The SLUT! He is a pie-eating hasbeen a-DULLta-rer who got his ex-wife hooked on cocaine, cheated on her several times (including the night before the wedding), abandoned her and her two children for the a-DULLta-ress SLUT and then ripped poor Kerry's heart out by revealing that he never loved her and only married her for the money! I bet his kids will be so proud of daddy when they grow up...

Kayne West

The most arrogant, egotistical and vain fuckwit ever to be given a record deal. His few hits are based on samples of classics that he shits over with his crapping, yet he has the nerve to throw tantrums whenever someoen far more talented and deserving wins an award (that he would never have been nominated for in the first place! To top it all off, he mimes. CUNT.

Amy Wino

Classy - Wino begging for booze

A classic example of hypocracy from the press and public. Wino is a VILE filthy dirty junkie alcoholic skank, yet she is portrayed as "poor, brave, tragic" etc... and it wasn't that long ago when she was a fat FLOP that she was slagging off those who cashed in on their problems which is what she does now. Her treatment of her fans is as disgusting as her hair and dress sense - spitting on them, telling them to fuck off, going on stage pissed and junked up so she can barely manage to perform a single song and not even bothering her arse showing up. The sooner she fucks off, the better.

Mark Ronson

Responsible for relaunching Wino (who he was fucking) and her skankiness on the world and his skanky sister and her lipstick lesbian relationship with Holywood mattress Lindsay Lohan. And he looks like he smells.

Top Toys

2009-02-05T23:00:00.002Z

Where do you begin when introducing someone to The Pope Of Pop, La Toya Jackson? Picking one of her ten albums wouldn't begin to showcase the many talents of Queen Sexbox and The Duchess Of Dance has one of the few artists to not have an actual "best of" compilation released - even Dannii has managed to have 8 of the things (which is double the number of studio albums she has released in 18 years) - so how does one become aquained with such a vast and eclectic back catalogue, especially when the only album curently in print has been released in at least 2,674 different versions...

The original Bad Girl album on MC

Obviously the best way is to make a list and assume that anyone reading this can be arsed to go looking for the tracks on their parent albums (no doubt from naughty filesharing sites)...

My Top Toy Treasures

#1 On A Night Like This
(From the album Imagination)
The most beautiful and sublime Calypso Ballad ever made that if it had been a single (aside from a promotional release in the Phillipines, a land that clearly has exquisite taste) would have made Toy bigger than Elvis! And no, it is not a Kylie cover...

#2 Free The World (Radio Remix)
(#24 US Hot Dance / Club Play, from the as yet unreleased album Startin' Over)
A stunning anthem with a powerful and important that needs to be heard. Also available in "Album Version" and "Extended Dance Mix" (otherwise known as the"Faggy Dance Remix") versions complete with childrens choir!

#3 Be My Lover
(From the album Bad Girl and its many variations)
A stunningly beautiful ballad that could only come from Toy's heavenly vocals. Amazingly it was made even more beautiful during Toy's residency at Balley's Casino in Las Vegas where a children's choir added an innocence to Toy's sultry and seductive song

#4 Sexual Feeling
(From the album Bad Girl also known as Sexual Feeling / Be My Lover / Spotlight On / Why Don't You Want My Hits / Forever Gold etc)
An arousing aural delight. Which just so happens to be ideal for offending prissy relatives and aquantances who you never want to speak to again - especially if you can get the single with the orgasmic "Sex Vocal"... Mi Piagi!

#5 Hot Potato
(From the album Heart Don't Lie)
Toy emasculates some dirty cheatin' playa in this epic anthem! Soem talented Toy Soldier made some Toytastic artwork - if you know who made it, please comment so I can thank the relevant person.

More Toy to come

The Anthem Of The Year - Out Now!

2009-02-03T21:44:00.004Z

After months of waiting, the fabulous new single from hardcore pin-up Darren Styles, Girls Like You has finally been released!

Shame AATW seemed to have forgotten all about how to promote. Darren's most commercial single ever has been languishing on the "Coming Soon" section of the release schedules since November 2008. A digital bundle quietly appeared on iTunes on Monday, and as far as anyone knows no promos have been sent to radio or clubs...

The stunning video was filmed in LA in October - eagle eyed viewers may spot the main bint from Knobbie's Rock DJ making a cameo with the same hairstyle. Thats if they can stop freeze framing trying to catch a glimpse of Darren's chest as a horde of leggy lovelies attempt to rip off his shirt...

This fabulous single gets top marks from me - and my reader may have noticed it was my top track of 2008.

1. Fugitive's Radio Edit (3.21)
2. Fugitive's Sexy Crazy Remix (5.48 )
3. Flip & Fill Remix (6.41)
4. Hypasonic Remix (4.18 )
5. Riffs & Rays Remix (8.12)
6. Mike Di Scala Remix (7.00)

Stop this top tune from being a Dannii sized FLOP by downloading the sexy six track from iTunes.

Snow Days

2009-02-02T23:38:00.005Z

Snow is fabulous! As long as you are indoors. Having to endure a five mile cross country trekk after being snowed into work is not. Just as well I have the perfect song for such a day by the fabulous Audio Bullys.

Taken from their debut album, Ego War, and released in the UK on a stunning 12" White vinyl, The Snow is a fabulously catchy ditty about the widespread cocaine abuse in the UK. You can listen below

My speakers aren't working so I can only assume that the audio is correct on the video...

You can get the limited 10" White Vinyl from the discogs marketplace or download the track from itunes / 7 digital. Ego War from all the usual places (ebay, HMV, amazon etc)

Diamonds - Pedro Marin

2009-01-26T22:54:00.005Z

Back in the early 80's, Spanish sex god Pedro was a teen heart-throb and found international success with some fabulous latino pop though after 2 albums and 2 million records sold in 3 years (1980-1982), he packed it in to work in finance. Returning to the limelight in 2005, Marin starred in a Spanish Survivour style reality TV show La Isla De Los Famosos, posed nude for Zero magazine and recorded a cover of Amanda Lear classic Run Baby Run - which later became part of a new album, Diamonds

Run Baby Run performed on Spanish TV

Unlike his earlier (and subsequent) work, Diamonds is recorded in English and like its precurser Run Baby Run it consists of Amanda Lear covers paying homage to the tracks disco roots and modernising them into stylish electro anthems. Pedro's distinctive vocals work well with the tracks, though the delivery sometimes seems a bit robotic though that is probably down to the nuances of singing in your native tounge not always translating into foreign langauges. Each track is lovingly reworked with rich production that always complements the vocals and tone of the track with excellent use of instrumentation and vocals. As well as ten stunning tracks, remixes of 7 of the tracks accompany the album. Not being familiar with some of Amanda's originals I can't compare all of Marin's versions to hers but for the most part they are worthy of (and in some cases better than) Lear's.

Gold (Live)

Black Holes
A stunning opener that wouldn't look out of place on a Kylie tour - like Light Years (complete with countdown) but much darker. 10/10
Follow Me
A haunting rendition of this Lear classic and the albums only single. 10/10

Run Baby Run
Annoying backing vocalist intro aside, its the kind of track the likes of The Presets and Lily Allen would kill for. Slightly more raw vocals from Pedro on this one 7/10

Blood & Honey
Sexy electro-with-guitars and smooth bassline. Sultry. 9/10

Fashion Pack
Another fabulous and catchy reworking, though slightly irritating backing vocals work against it 7/10

Gold
Both retro and modern at the same time. 7/10

The Sphinx
Taking the tempo down a few notches, this atmospheric track suffers only from beign a tad too short 9/10

Enigma
Lovely production let down by some rather dodgy lyrics. While being essentially a good track, it is one of the weakest on the album. 5/10

Tomorrow
Another brilliantly produced track that doesn't quite hit the same standards as the rest 6/10

Diamonds
Funnily enough, this is the only other dud on the album - and its still quite good. 5/10

Follow Me (Isaac Junkie Remix) 9/10
Gold (Juanimysterfly Remix) 8/10
Fashion Pack (Oblique Mix) 8/10
Tomorrow (Onedbshon Remix) 6/10
Black Holes (Onedbshon Alien Remix) 6/10
Run Baby Run (Pedromarinronniespectormix) 7/10
The Sphinx (Skinnyproject Remix) 9/10
Follow Me (Video) 9/10

The stunning video to Follow Me

Bap rating: Dannii's WMDD's

If you like this: look out for further posts about this Spanish stud or look for Amanda Lear originals if you aren't familiar with them.

Visit: Pedro Marin - Official Website

Holiday Essentials #2: Calle 13

2009-01-08T21:47:00.009Z

Hailing from Puerto Rico, Calle 13 are probably best known for remixing No Hay Igual for Nelly Furtado, working with Volito and for appearing on the scene during the explosion of Reggaeton. However, while dipping their toes into reggaeton and hip-hop, they have incorporated many different styles and influences in their music across their three studio albums - including traditional music and slang from various countries they have toured.

Residente's lyrics are often satirical and sarcastic with clever use of parody. With tracks that touch on the typical "urban" themes (sex, drugs, women of easy virtue), they do so in an atypical style - you wouldn't get 50 Cent or TI proclaiming that they have a small penis and premature ejeculation problems in their tepid shitefests! The band have also courted controversy with sexually explicit lyrics, references to drug use, attacks on the Puerto Rican government and the FBI, and accusations of racism & mysogyny.

Residente is rather attractive in that skinny Latino thug way.

Calle 13 (2005)

Their debut album is rather impressive, though a tad too long for my liking - what is it about "urban" acts and never ending albums? - and while it starts out strong it tends to get weaker towards the end.

Turn On: Suave Mix
Turn Off: Pi-Di-Di-Di
Bap Rating: Bionda's Buxoms

Residente O Visitante (2007)

Easily the weakest of the three, caused a stir amoung fans and critics for daring to use influences and slang from other countries and cultures! While rather ambitious, it doesn't live up the the promise of their previous effort but is never the less a solid effort. Having the four singles from the previous album tacked on to the end of the International versions only highlights the weaknesses. However, it does contain a fabulous attack on the old crone in Sin Exagerer

Turn On: La Crema
Turn Off: La Fokin Moda
Bap Rating: Paris Hilton's Pancakes

Los De Atras Vienen Conmigo (2008)

Probably their strongest and most cohesive effort, managing to switch between styles and genres yet flow nicely as a whole - indeed skipping any tracks actually ruins the flow of the album! The classy introduction, the subject matter of several tracks (Fiesta De Locos, John El Esquizofrenico) booklet pictures seem to suggest Residente is placing himself in a mental hospital, adding to the flavour. While it does have one or two weaker tracks, it doesn't have a single dud.

Turn On: Electro Movimiento
Turn Off: Ven Y Criticame
Bap Rating: Dannii's WMDD's

Visit: The official Calle 13 youtube channel, Calle 13 Website, Calle 13 on myspace

I feel so ashamed...

2009-01-07T22:34:00.004Z

Today I gave into temptation and bought the AATW Platinum Smash Uncle B by N-Dubz.
The UK's favourite Chavs, frequently #1 on the Channel U charts, first came to the attention of Polydor records after a number of self-released singles (one of which reached #57 in the UK) and

winning a MOBO for best newcomer. Though after You'd Better Not Waste My Time peaked at #26, they parted ways with Polydor and signed to AATW, releasing the utterly shite Ouch, followed by Papa and the album which entered the UK album chart at #11 and has stayed in the Top 20 since release. Overall its actually quite good despite the occasionally dodgy lyrics. I may give it a proper review at some point in the future when I've given it a few more listens, for now this touching tribute to the aforementioned "Uncle B" is a solid 7/10

Turn On: The fabulous Strong Again - check out Tulisa's baps in the stunning video

Turn Off: Ouch - though it does contain the genious lyric "name's Shaniqua and wot?!"

If You Like This: Try Haze who I will be talking about in the next few months.

Visit: N-Dubz on myspace

You Just Got ROCKED!

2009-01-02T23:16:00.003Z

The UK Big Brother house just got ROCKED!

Stunning La Toya Jackson was the first celebrity to enter the Big Brother house. The Duchess Of Dance looked resplendent in a black ensemble before changing into some sexy silky nightwear. You can see her enterance infront of a crowd of undeserving plebs below.

with feisty ex-Sugababe Mutya, Tina Malone (Mimi Maguire from Shameless) and loudmouth Terry Christian this could be the most fabulous CBB ever - shame it doesn't also include Pete Burns and Jackie Stallone.

Toy to win!

The Worst of 2008

2008-12-31T18:11:00.004Z

What better way to bring in the new year than to reflect on some of the shite we have been subjected to throughout 2008

#1 The Early Years (Vol 1) - Dannii Minogue

The whole Early Years debacle could take pages but in a nutshell this much delayed and hyped compilation is an utter joke and an insult to Dannii's handful of loyal fans. Instead of giving us the unreleased gems and sexy snaps of a pre-surgically resculpted Dannii that were promised, we get a bunch of stuff we already have - and three shitty unreleased "remixes". To add insult to injury it is only half the album! This latest feeble cash-in is destined to be the latest in a long line of more disasterous FLOP and cements her status as the Court Jester of Pop. EPIC FAIL.

Worth saving: Be Careful (7" Edit) which should have been on the album in the first place.

#2 Turd Shandy - the poopoo

While the M-Trollas will have you believe this aural turd is a nod to her Noo Yoywk dance roots, anyone with a brain knows it was a desperate attempt for the aged crone to get down wit da kidz y'allz - and it fails on every level. And as for the cameltoe - put it away for fuck sake.

Worth saving: nothing - this stinker is consistently unlistenable throughout. Though it would serve as a timely reminded for older relatives that think they are "trendy" how utterly embarassing they are...

#3 Hero - X Factor finalists

Turning an insipid whiny peepee ballad into an insipid whiney tuneless durge - Zzzzzzzzzzzzz

#4 Frank & Back To Black - Junkie Wino

How many times can a VILE skeletal drunken junkie skank release the same album? The only thing worse that the horribly overrated BTB is that it is packaged with her debut back from when she was fat (which has also been reissued countless times...). Fuck off until you can do something new. And I blame this smackhead for Rihanna inflicting infinate versions of Good Girl Gone Bad on the charts.

Worth saving: You Know I'm No Good is fabulous despite everything.

#5 The Fame - Slaggy CaCa

Repulsive, pretentious, painfully overrated - combining the talents of Lisa FLOP-Lee and the personality of Ratshit Stdvens. The sooner this bland strumpet vanishes up her own arse, the better.

Thanks to Kane for the much improved and far more accurate alternative cover.

Worth saving: this pungent shite would make good manure for the budding Alan Titchmarsh.

Video Of The Year!

2008-12-30T22:47:00.005Z

Whatever her many faults, Dannii has some fabulous and dedicated fans. You can spot them tue to them being banned from The Collective for being able to enjoy as a FLOP star and being rightly irritated at her useless management, So when Dannii's version of Porn Queen Andrea True's classic More More More emerged on some "Winter Chill" Hed Kandi compilation, it was left up to the fans to do the promo - bitch didn't even make a video!

Luckily for us, someone made a fabulous video that no doubt the Holidaying Minogue would be delighted by - especially with the novel use of breast implants! It is subtle, sexy and sublime - and as you'd expect from a Dannii video, there is a bit of bap on show.

Watch this stunning masterpiece here - though the more exitable amoung you may want to have some tissues handy incase of any spillages...

You can buy More More More (Winter Chill Mix) from itunes or find it on Hed Kandi - The Mix 2009 compilation album

Top Tracks of 2008

2008-12-30T16:14:00.008Z

As the year draws to a close, it is traditional to reflect on what happened, remembering the good times and the bad. Today, I shall focus on some good and in typical style I haven't bothered compiling a definitive list so am making it up as I go along and have probably forgotten something.

#1 Girls Like You (Fugitive Remix) - Darren Styles

Hardcore veteran and AATW forum pin-up of choice for straight men who would indulge in a bit of man on man anal action, Darren Styles rounded off a successful year improving on his best track ever with a little help from a rather sexy remix from Fugitive and a rather fabulous video. Though due to AATW marketing, it has yet to be given a single release despite being on the schedules for months - so this will be a surefire smash in 2009 (and no doubt a feature on next years list).

Beyond Fabulous!

#2 Slow / Free (Live) - Kylie

Live Performance, X2008

Taking the sublimely sexy Slow , turn it into a twisted Nine-Inch-Nails-esque electro-rock hybrid, a giant silver skull hovering menacingly over the stage and throw in a raw vocal excerpt from unreleased track Free (previously performed on the Intimate & Live tour back in 1998) and the result is a moment of genious. Dark, moody, brooding, spine-tingling, perfect. This would be #1 if some smart cookie at Kylie HQ had ensured this was released to promote the DVD. You can see this stunning performance here.

#3 Electro Movimiento - Calle 13

Puerto Rico, Did Not Chart, Los Atras Vien Conmigo
A sexy Spanglish electronic influenced number from Puerto Rico genre bending favourites. Unfortunately only released as a digital single in the US without a video and did not chart.

#4 Respirar - Vila

Album Track, Sigue Tu Instinto

I shall be writing more about this sexy Spaniard in the future.

#5 True Believer - E Type

SWE #1, Eurotopia

First released in mainland Europe in 2007 before being picked up by AATW. Irritatingly catchy - check out the amusing video which if it wasn't on high rotation on Clubland TV would have passed me by completely

and rounding out the Top 10:

Wow - Kylie
Pop Kylie at her best - fabulous.

Break My Stride - Blue Lagoon
Released years ago in mainland Europe, picked up by AATW this year. I shall be talking more about them in the future but you can see the video here.

Who's That Girl (Seamus Haji remix) - Robyn
Hard to believe that this stunning track by Robyn could be improved - but the Haji Mix does just that. See the video here.

More More More (Winter Chill Mix) - Dannii
Club 18-30 Queen Dannii managed to get off her backside to record this sublime cover.

Gimme That Punk - Audio Bullys
The amount of name dropping alone is fabulous! See the video here.

and an unexpected bonus:
All I See - Kylie
mostly for the Live / Acoustic versions, the Extended Dub mix and the fabulously cheap video.

I Wanna Touch You - Ultrabeat
Featuring busty Rebecca Rudd on vocals, complete with a stylish video.

Holiday Essentials #1 - Sunblock

2008-12-27T22:07:00.002Z

When holidaying, it is important that you remember those little essentials such as alcohol, flattering but not too revealing swimwear and Sunblock!

Sunblock - Like the first time every time!

Sunblock are a fabulous Swedish duo, famous for turning the Baywatch theme into a sexy smash hit, who specialise in the kind of uplifting, joyous dance / pop that makes any holiday complete - whether you are lounging by the pool to Moska, throwing it down to Touch Me or seducting an unsuspecting local lovely to their stunning cover of First Time. Yet it is in the video where Sunblock truly shine - each artistic clip comes complete with a bevvy of busty babes miming away happily in such a manner that showcases their breast assests fully, though an alternate version of Baby Baby also has some near naked "hunks" gyrating unsexily on bucking bronkos which unsurprisingly was on high rotation back when Flaunt was a "gay" channel...

Sexy! Sunblock Girls strike a pose

So when you are jetting off for some summer sun, or pissing off on the piste, make sure you have a copy of I'll Be Ready - the album in your suitcase.

Turn On: Another Try - a stunningly upbeat number with vocals by some unknown diva that should have been a single.

Turn Off: None - this is aural viagra!

If you like this: track down the 2-track CD for Baby Baby for the deliciously titled b-side So Many Toys, So Little Time

Visit: The Sunblock Website, featuring a full gallery of the gorgeous Sunblock girls (and the occasional pic of the guys themselves) - or pop on to their myspace and say hello.

So far a second album is yet to be forthcoming, but you can buy I'll Be Ready - The Album from various dodgy retailers like Amazon & ebay and a few good ones as well.

Hello and bugger off

2008-12-27T22:00:00.000Z

By popular demand (or rather because the fabulous Mike from Pop Trash Addicts / Dannii's Dirty Box suggested it) I have decided to make a blog where I will talk crap and discuss some music for those essential holidays just incase a certain Minogue sister decides to have a browse.