Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The Worst of 2008

What better way to bring in the new year than to reflect on some of the shite we have been subjected to throughout 2008

#1 The Early Years (Vol 1) - Dannii Minogue

The whole Early Years debacle could take pages but in a nutshell this much delayed and hyped compilation is an utter joke and an insult to Dannii's handful of loyal fans. Instead of giving us the unreleased gems and sexy snaps of a pre-surgically resculpted Dannii that were promised, we get a bunch of stuff we already have - and three shitty unreleased "remixes". To add insult to injury it is only half the album! This latest feeble cash-in is destined to be the latest in a long line of more disasterous FLOP and cements her status as the Court Jester of Pop. EPIC FAIL.

Worth saving: Be Careful (7" Edit) which should have been on the album in the first place.

#2 Turd Shandy - the poopoo

While the M-Trollas will have you believe this aural turd is a nod to her Noo Yoywk dance roots, anyone with a brain knows it was a desperate attempt for the aged crone to get down wit da kidz y'allz - and it fails on every level. And as for the cameltoe - put it away for fuck sake.

Worth saving: nothing - this stinker is consistently unlistenable throughout. Though it would serve as a timely reminded for older relatives that think they are "trendy" how utterly embarassing they are...

#3 Hero - X Factor finalists

Turning an insipid whiny peepee ballad into an insipid whiney tuneless durge - Zzzzzzzzzzzzz

#4 Frank & Back To Black - Junkie Wino

How many times can a VILE skeletal drunken junkie skank release the same album? The only thing worse that the horribly overrated BTB is that it is packaged with her debut back from when she was fat (which has also been reissued countless times...). Fuck off until you can do something new. And I blame this smackhead for Rihanna inflicting infinate versions of Good Girl Gone Bad on the charts.

Worth saving: You Know I'm No Good is fabulous despite everything.

#5 The Fame - Slaggy CaCa

Repulsive, pretentious, painfully overrated - combining the talents of Lisa FLOP-Lee and the personality of Ratshit Stdvens. The sooner this bland strumpet vanishes up her own arse, the better.

Thanks to Kane for the much improved and far more accurate alternative cover.

Worth saving: this pungent shite would make good manure for the budding Alan Titchmarsh.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Video Of The Year!

Whatever her many faults, Dannii has some fabulous and dedicated fans. You can spot them tue to them being banned from The Collective for being able to enjoy as a FLOP star and being rightly irritated at her useless management, So when Dannii's version of Porn Queen Andrea True's classic More More More emerged on some "Winter Chill" Hed Kandi compilation, it was left up to the fans to do the promo - bitch didn't even make a video!

Luckily for us, someone made a fabulous video that no doubt the Holidaying Minogue would be delighted by - especially with the novel use of breast implants! It is subtle, sexy and sublime - and as you'd expect from a Dannii video, there is a bit of bap on show.

Watch this stunning masterpiece here - though the more exitable amoung you may want to have some tissues handy incase of any spillages...

You can buy More More More (Winter Chill Mix) from itunes or find it on Hed Kandi - The Mix 2009 compilation album

Top Tracks of 2008

As the year draws to a close, it is traditional to reflect on what happened, remembering the good times and the bad. Today, I shall focus on some good and in typical style I haven't bothered compiling a definitive list so am making it up as I go along and have probably forgotten something.

#1 Girls Like You (Fugitive Remix) - Darren Styles

Hardcore veteran and AATW forum pin-up of choice for straight men who would indulge in a bit of man on man anal action, Darren Styles rounded off a successful year improving on his best track ever with a little help from a rather sexy remix from Fugitive and a rather fabulous video. Though due to AATW marketing, it has yet to be given a single release despite being on the schedules for months - so this will be a surefire smash in 2009 (and no doubt a feature on next years list).

Beyond Fabulous!

#2 Slow / Free (Live) - Kylie

Live Performance, X2008

Taking the sublimely sexy Slow , turn it into a twisted Nine-Inch-Nails-esque electro-rock hybrid, a giant silver skull hovering menacingly over the stage and throw in a raw vocal excerpt from unreleased track Free (previously performed on the Intimate & Live tour back in 1998) and the result is a moment of genious. Dark, moody, brooding, spine-tingling, perfect. This would be #1 if some smart cookie at Kylie HQ had ensured this was released to promote the DVD. You can see this stunning performance here.

#3 Electro Movimiento - Calle 13

Puerto Rico, Did Not Chart, Los Atras Vien Conmigo
A sexy Spanglish electronic influenced number from Puerto Rico genre bending favourites. Unfortunately only released as a digital single in the US without a video and did not chart.

#4 Respirar - Vila

Album Track, Sigue Tu Instinto

I shall be writing more about this sexy Spaniard in the future.

#5 True Believer - E Type

SWE #1, Eurotopia

First released in mainland Europe in 2007 before being picked up by AATW. Irritatingly catchy - check out the amusing video which if it wasn't on high rotation on Clubland TV would have passed me by completely

and rounding out the Top 10:

Wow - Kylie
Pop Kylie at her best - fabulous.

Break My Stride - Blue Lagoon
Released years ago in mainland Europe, picked up by AATW this year. I shall be talking more about them in the future but you can see the video here.

Who's That Girl (Seamus Haji remix) - Robyn
Hard to believe that this stunning track by Robyn could be improved - but the Haji Mix does just that. See the video here.

More More More
(Winter Chill Mix) - Dannii
Club 18-30 Queen Dannii managed to get off her backside to record this sublime cover.

Gimme That Punk
- Audio Bullys
The amount of name dropping alone is fabulous! See the video here.

and an unexpected bonus:
All I See - Kylie
mostly for the Live / Acoustic versions, the Extended Dub mix and the fabulously cheap video.

I Wanna Touch You - Ultrabeat
Featuring busty Rebecca Rudd on vocals, complete with a stylish video.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Holiday Essentials #1 - Sunblock

When holidaying, it is important that you remember those little essentials such as alcohol, flattering but not too revealing swimwear and Sunblock!

Sunblock - Like the first time every time!

Sunblock are a fabulous Swedish duo, famous for turning the Baywatch theme into a sexy smash hit, who specialise in the kind of uplifting, joyous dance / pop that makes any holiday complete - whether you are lounging by the pool to Moska, throwing it down to Touch Me or seducting an unsuspecting local lovely to their stunning cover of First Time. Yet it is in the video where Sunblock truly shine - each artistic clip comes complete with a bevvy of busty babes miming away happily in such a manner that showcases their breast assests fully, though an alternate version of Baby Baby also has some near naked "hunks" gyrating unsexily on bucking bronkos which unsurprisingly was on high rotation back when Flaunt was a "gay" channel...

Sexy! Sunblock Girls strike a pose

So when you are jetting off for some summer sun, or pissing off on the piste, make sure you have a copy of I'll Be Ready - the album in your suitcase.

Turn On: Another Try - a stunningly upbeat number with vocals by some unknown diva that should have been a single.

Turn Off: None - this is aural viagra!

If you like this: track down the 2-track CD for Baby Baby for the deliciously titled b-side So Many Toys, So Little Time

Visit: The Sunblock Website, featuring a full gallery of the gorgeous Sunblock girls (and the occasional pic of the guys themselves) - or pop on to their myspace and say hello.

So far a second album is yet to be forthcoming, but you can buy I'll Be Ready - The Album from various dodgy retailers like Amazon & ebay and a few good ones as well.

Hello and bugger off

By popular demand (or rather because the fabulous Mike from Pop Trash Addicts / Dannii's Dirty Box suggested it) I have decided to make a blog where I will talk crap and discuss some music for those essential holidays just incase a certain Minogue sister decides to have a browse.